Every parent knows at some point in their child's life, they will be having "the talk". As kids are being forced to grow up way too early, it seems that "the talk" inevitably comes along sooner than we'd like. As adoptive parents, we get double duty. Yes, the "where do I come from" talk is also on our agenda. Right from the start, we've told Rylee her story. She has her life book and pours over the pictures while I recount all the tales of receiving her. It's just been a matter-of-fact. She has even witnessed first-hand and understood how the process works due to having a baby sister join our family. Or so I thought.....
Tuesday April 1 2008 will be forever etched into my brain. Yup, started out as just another ordinary day here at home....Rylee at her art table, Little Piddle having her nap. I was in the kitchen when I heard her have a tiny tantrum - she made a mistake on one of her drawings - then a second tantrum and hooboy a third one all within a few minutes! The noise level was about to hit the upper limit of what Little Piddle will sleep through, so I hurried into the playroom to see what was going on. She was really upset!! I held her and rocked her for a minute. Her anger then turned to distress and she was sobbing uncontrollably! Then this tirade came out of my first born that shook me to the core! She kept saying "Rylee go away and Mommy get a new Rylee". At first I was stunned, then she added "Mommy bought Rylee in China". "Rylee go back to China". "Mommy bought Jayme in China". "Kids go back to China". At this point, I'm sobbing right along with her and trying to reassure her that she is staying right here with us. No one is going anywhere and I promised that I would never leave her and go back to China again!
So how long has she been hanging onto these feelings that she couldn't express to us? Has this been part of her anger for all these years? What has she heard from other kids? Where do we go from here?
Well, we have to make a few changes to "her story". We'll have to incorporate some new words and ideas. We're heading into foreign territory here so we're treading lightly. Rylee made the first step that day....unfortunately for her, it came from a sense of insecurity! That makes me sad! On a side note...she's been a whole other kid since the talk!
I have a few years, but I do hope the next "talk" will go much better! Hey and maybe I'll even be ready for it! Oh probably not! lol
6 comments:
Oh boy. This is tough. But you know what's in her mind now, so that's half the battle. This would not have come up if yours wasn't a safe and loving home.
We are right behind you. You are generous to share your experiences for those of us coming along behind you.
Warmest regards,
Kristen and Dave
waiting on Jenny
(come visit)
Wow, Tough call! I couldn't imagine being Ry and having those feelings of insecurity - and not having many routes to express it! but as with most things of an emotional nature; they don't do well being bottled up. I'm obviously not a parent, but i think this was a good thing in the long run...
Behind you %100
- Art
By the by... I've been reading the blog for a while. I hope that's ok.
Kristen
send me your complete blog address, okay? What's your LID?
Wow!! You just never know what they are processing or what they will say next. Yesterday caught me when Lucy asked David "Dad, do you like chocolate (or something inane like that)?" Then she said "Dad, will you love me forever?" like it was a most natural transition in conversation.
Big hugs to you and Ry!
WOW!!NOW THAT IS TOUGH!said that she had it all bottled up inside,however now it is out in the open and you guys were able to talkabout it.......BIG HUGS to you all!!!!
Thanks for sharing!!!
I can't imagine how that babe must have been feeling and trying to cope with those feelings....omg...god bless her....
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