At noon on November 12 2007, your whole world turned upside down.
Your Foster Mama took you to the Orphanage, never to be seen again. A strange Nanny carried you onto a bus to begin your next step of your journey. After 2 1/2 hours, you arrived at the Civil Affairs Office where you wait in the lobby. A small group of parents enter this lobby. You don't recognize anyone. I don't recognize you. The strange Nanny carries you to the elevator. Four women are waiting to get on. You are 3 feet away, looking at me...at my glasses. We all laugh and guess who you belong to.
At 3:15, I hand an official piece of paper to an official lady. Then the strange Nanny hands me YOU. You don't cry. You just stare at my glasses and gently reach up to touch them. I say "Hi Jayme, I'm your Mommy" and we slowly walk to the center of the room. Time slows. You are so tiny. Just a bird in my arms. You are hungry, you are tired and you want your Mama. A sob fills your tiny mouth, huge drops of tears stream from your eyes. You moan "Mama" and I ache for you. You are so sad!
You have not waited 2 years or even 2 minutes for this moment. I thank God for you, this child. You can only cry and look desperately around for your Mama. I try to console you. You try to fight back. Finally you give in, rest your tiny head on my chest and sleep. Partly from sheer exhaustion and partly to escape this nightmare.
When you wake up in that strange hotel room in a strange bed, to hear strange voices, you cry again. The moaning for your Mama starts again rhythmically.
This will take time....
Over the next few days I will learn how to hold you the right way. Your way. I will learn that you need to sleep next to me holding a small cloth for security. I will learn that you are a real ham, a happy and laughing, cheeky little character. I will learn that you only drink water or juice from a glass. And you will learn that the lady with the glasses will drop absolutely anything she is doing to scoop you up when you call her "mum mum mum".
The memories of these days will fade for you. But I will remember them for you. And be able to tell you just how courageous you were!
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3 comments:
Beautiful...now I'm crying for like the fifth time today. :)
Cathy
what a beautiful letter...now I am crying....
What a tear-jerker! Thanks for sharing this.
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